I have ten minutes

At the end of the workday, I'm suddenly seized by a muse...


I want to talk about something important, and it applies to everyone, not just to theatre people. It's called rejection. And regret.

I've been reading a lot of blogs lately, and I noticed that when I see a giveaway, I actively decide not to enter. You know why? I'll tell you.

I know those blogs have TONS of followers, and I know that ALL of those followers are entering, and so I decide, heck. Why enter, when I'm not going to win anyway?

On the one hand, it's a fairly good attitude. I can not win because I chose not to, or I can not win because the universe hates me. At least one way I have control over what's going to happen.

On the other hand, it's a really cynical attitude to live by, and if there's something I don't want to be, it's cynical. I mean, that attitude would keep me from trying out for any play, ever. It would keep me from doing anything in the theatre industry to achieve my dreams, because I know that the industry is full of nothing but soul-crushing failure.

My thoughts on the matter aren't clear enough to continue (I'm down to only three minutes, now), but I have an essay I wrote a couple years ago that I'd like to resurrect now. It's entitled, "Sometimes life sucks a little... that's because it's life."

So. And so.

I've had a number of experiences in my past that have taught me not to try for things. Whether it be auditions I don't make, scholastic programs I don't get into, or boys who just don't want me, I've gotten two things out of it all: 1) I should NEVER put myself out there. I should stick with safe things that I KNOW will work out, because if there's ANY risk involved I will fail. 2) I'm a complete idiot, and I never learn. It's inevitable that I'll keep trying and keep getting my feelings hurt.

I wonder, though. Maybe it gets easier as time goes by. Maybe the risk and the trying and the working up my courage in the first place becomes less scary, to the point where I think I'm actually becoming (dare I say it?) a brave person. I know, I know. I've long claimed to be very timid and shy. No one's ever believed me, though. I think I'm losing my fervent belief in it, too.

But then there's the other question: Even though I know that everything I try will fail, why do I keep trying? Why do I keep putting myself out there, when I know it will lead to failure and heartbreak? Well. Maybe it's because I'm so darned optimistic. I think, maybe it'll work this time. Maybe all I have to do is [insert bold action here] and [desired outcome] will be mine.

I can't be sorry, though. As much as I'd like to. Because even though I go through heartbreak and distress and worry and extreme disappointment, I can't bear thinking of the alternative. Which is that I'll go through my life never DOING anything, never even trying to take control and make something HAPPEN. If I don't act, it won't work out and I'll always wonder if there was more I could have done. But if I do something, it won't work out and I'll at least know that I tried. I did my part, and it just wasn't meant to be. Or it's on the other person's head, or whatever. I have too many regrets of inaction in my life to consciously add to that list.

Skeleton Creek

There are a lot of ways to think of the term "performance." Of course there's the very traditional paradigm, with a stage and lights and an audience and things. Broadway, the Theatre, plays, musicals, and all that kind of thing.

There are a lot of other ways to look at it too, though. Performance art, for starters, which tends to include installation art (which is usually friggin' awesome). Devised theater, technology as performance. In my 301 class, we had a unit where we talked about things like lonelygirl15 and blogging as performance.

Technology in terms of performance and presentation is very interesting to me. It's a completely new way of displaying yourself; for once, you pretty much have total control of how the world sees and knows you. And one of the most fascinating aspects of it all is the way you can use technology these days to play with and blend mediums.

This brings me to the title of this blog post, Skeleton Creek. Skeleton Creek is a book I discovered through one of the reference librarians at the library where I used to work. The premise is fairly straightforward: Sarah and Ryan are best friends who frequently get themselves into trouble. Their latest escapade is an exploration of a creepy abandoned structure right outside of town, called the Dredge. During this midnight adventure, Ryan fell and broke his leg. This book starts right after that. The book is in the format of Ryan's diary, and it tells about how he and Sarah work together to uncover the mystery of the Dredge. Ryan writes down everything he can, and Sarah chronicles it all in video format.

Here's the fun thing: You can watch the videos.

Every time Sarah sends Ryan a video, he writes down the password to the website where she posts them. Which you, as the reader, can use to watch them.
Let me tell you, friends, the videos add a new, exciting, and really creepy element to what would otherwise be a very thrilling book. It's full of danger and suspense, and thank goodness the sequel is out because the first book leaves off on a completely ridiculous cliffhanger. I got to the point as I watched the videos that I had to have classical music playing in the background, just to keep from freaking myself out too much.

If you're interested in exploring different types of performance, or if you like scary Young Adult fiction (I'd say it's about a middle school range), PLEASE check it out. Skeleton Creek by Patrick Carman.

Excited!!

HEY YOU GUYS!!

Did you know about this?? Nathan Lane and Bebe Neuwirth (the original Velma Kelly) in The Addams Family: The Musical! On Broadway! Are you freaking kidding me??

Oh em gee, guys, I'm geeking out like a Star Wars convention. Terrence Mann!

Is this the best idea ever or what??

http://www.theaddamsfamilymusical.com

It didn't work out

So. I didn't get cast in the show I auditioned for. It's happened to me before, and it'll happen again. That doesn't make it hurt any less this time, especially since I love the show so much. I know everything you have to say, so please don't say it. I know that you still love me, and that I deserved it, and that sometimes the director has to make the best choice for the theater, and that this is a good thing because three shows in a row would have burned me out, and that I'm still a good person and still very talented, and that there will be other, probably better, shows at a different time. I know all that, I don't want to hear it again, I just want to be sad.

Comments on this post are locked; let's not talk about it.

Cranky-flavored Waiting Game

I expect all of you to understand. I'll present two different scenarios... different scenarios, same emotions.

Scenario #1: (for non-theatre types)
You know this person. You've liked werf* for a long time, and love hanging out with werf. Werf always makes you laugh, and you always feel really good when you're around werf. The best thing you can think of would be to date werf. And then something amazing happens... werf asks you out! You agonize for weeks about the date. How is it going to be? Are you going to make a good impression? Are you going to say something stupid? Could this be the start of a fantastic relationship? You go on the date, and everything seems to go well. And then comes... the waiting. Did werf have a good time? Does werf like you? IS WERF GOING TO CALL YOU???

This brings me to scenario #2, for those of us who are theatre-inclined.
There's a play. It's kind of the most awesome play you've ever seen. You've listened to the soundtrack a million times, you know every single song by heart. You go see it every chance you get. And now. Oh, boy. A community theater, the kind you actually have a shot at getting cast at, is holding auditions for your favorite play of ALL TIME. You agonize for weeks. What are you going to sing? Can you get the music in time? What are you going to wear? How will you act? Will the director like you? Will you fit the part? Will there be other people there you mesh with??
You go. You audition. You sing your heart out, and read with all the characterization and energy you have. And now, two days later, you sit and wonder: Are they going to call you? Did they like you? Have they already cast you?

If you can't tell, I had an audition on Saturday. This play has been one of my favorite plays, ever since I was an extra in it in high school. A nearby theater is putting it on. I auditioned Really Well, I think. They had few enough people there that they went ahead and had callbacks during the audition... we all got to read from the script, and we all sang from the musical. They told us they were going to post the cast list online, and they'd call us if we made it.

So we waited. And waited. AND WAITED. And then... online, they posted that instead of casting the show and starting rehearsals on Monday (today), they're having more callbacks on Tuesday. So now, instead of waiting for a call that I'm cast in the show, I'm waiting for a call that I get to come back and audition some more tomorrow. And waiting. And waiting...

Here's the thing about this move. The words say, "Man, we had so many talented people come that we need to see some of you AGAIN! Oh, by the way, if anyone didn't come on Saturday, you can come on Tuesday and try to impress us." The message says, "You guys are NOT going to work for us. Will someone else PLEASE come and audition so that we're not stuck CASTING these losers?" Am I wrong? Maybe that's not the message they were trying to send, but it's definitely the one *I* got.

This waiting game is driving me crazy.




*If you can't tell what it means, go here.

Theater "Membership"

A theatre company in Seattle has started a "subscription" program, where you buy a membership, pay by the month, and then you can see as many performances as you want, as often as you want. It's a building that houses four theaters, so it's not like just going to the same play over and over again, either.

http://kuow.org/program.php?id=19396

Would you do this? Subscribe to a theater like it was a gym? I know I would; it would be amazing to be able to go see so many plays! Any night you don't know what to do, you have a built-in activity that's exciting, colorful, and, if not educational or cultural or edifying (which arts performances have a reputation for being), at least pretentious! Which, in my book, is the next best thing. :)

Brand Spankin' New!

SO YOU GUYS. Here it is! A theatre blog!! FOR MY VERY OWN!

Do I sound excited about being here?? Well I wouldn't be much of a thespian if I couldn't be dramatic about things, eh?

Here's the deal:
I got this theatre degree, see? From BYU. But what am I doing with it? Well, right now I work full-time at a marketing company... as the receptionist. In the future, I'd like to be a full-time... homemaker. That's right, friends. A big fat nothing. At least, as a money-making venture. It is, however, a heck of a hobby for me.

When my husband, Hotty, started law school, he decided I needed to Do Something Productive. I work during the day, but during the evenings I was kind of bored. As a result, poor Hotty couldn't do much in the way of studying, because he wanted to spend time with me. Hence the need for Productivity. I'm pretty sure that auditioning for the local production of A Christmas Carol wasn't really what he had in mind, though.

During the rehearsal period, the season for this year at the community theater was announced. Turns out there's only one play they're doing this year that even remotely interests me... Fiddler on the Roof. So here I am, playing Avram's Wife in Fiddler. (What's that, you say? You don't know who Avram is? EXACTLY.)

I also do theater makeup; when I got that fancy theater degree, I chose to emphasize in Makeup Design. During A Christmas Carol, I got to do the makeup for Marley's Ghost every night; now, in Fiddler, I do makeup for Tevye's Dream.

SO HERE'S MY GOAL:
What I'd like to do with this blog is fairly simple: It's a blog about theatre and performance. I'd like to talk about my experiences with live theatre, and I also want to talk about theatre in general. I took a fun class at BYU called Contemporary Performance Practices, and I might visit that class from time to time and talk about some of the people/organizations we studied, since a lot of them are current practitioners. Basically, this is a place for me to geek out about something I love!